Satire: If I were President…

For no particular reason, I’ve recently been thinking about what I’d do if I were the President of the United States.

Would I make the world a better place? Would I earn my place in the history books?

The truth is, if I were president for even just a day, I know exactly what I’d do: Make my name unforgettable.

Firstly, every major policy initiative coming from my office would have my name plastered all over it. MatthewCare, the Jegers tax plan, the State of the Matthew address… if Obama can have Obamacare, why can’t I have those?

But policies are boring and weird. I’d be in control of so many cool things as President that I could add my own personal flair to! ...